


The Ministry of Villainy and Chaos

by DiYunho



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Joker - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom, joker DCU
Genre: Batman - Freeform, Bruce Wayne - Freeform, Comedy, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Dialogue, Exams, F/M, Feelings Realization, Feels, Flirting, Funny, Gotham City - Freeform, Hilarious, Implied Relationships, Jim Gordon - Freeform, No Angst, Post-Suicide Squad (2016), Relationship(s), Secret Relationship, Suicide Squad, Swag, The Joker Jared Leto, The Joker Suicide Squad, The Joker fanfiction, The Joker/you - Freeform, The joker/reader - Freeform, Villains, harvey dent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 14:26:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiYunho/pseuds/DiYunho
Summary: Before they are unleashed upon the world, all villains must pass the final review from the Ministry of Villainy and Chaos. Meetings are held twice a week and there’s no skipping. Tasks are assigned and they all must be completed, otherwise one will never be an awesome “bad guy.”





	The Ministry of Villainy and Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> You can also follow me on Tumblr under the same blog name: DiYunho.

You are taking care of the two most promising rising stars: The Joker and Harvey Dent. You sure hope they will both pass because they are your personal favorites and man, they will do a lot of good out there! Cross that out: they will do a lot of evil out there. You walk around your office, carefully studying them and finally take a sit on your glass desk.

“Ok, guys, did you come up with a cool nickname for yourselves? J, what have you got?”

“The Jester of Gotham!” he grins, winking at you.

“NO!” you cut him off, playing with your hair. “And stop flirting. Try again.”

“Mister Disaster.”

“That’s even worse than the first one.” He scoffs. “Try harder.”

“The Clown Prince of Crime?”

“You’re not that funny” (J frowns) but I really like this one. You could also use King of Gotham, just a suggestion; it’s not taken yet,” you adjust your eyeglasses, writing down “pass” for the Joker on this week’s assignment.

“I like it, sweetheart,” he licks his lips, winking again.

“Stop flirting I said or I’ll drop you and you’ll have to start all over again!”

“Yes, ma’am,” he playfully agrees, putting his legs up on the marble coffee table in front of him.

“Harvey, did you come up with something?”

“Ummm…Harvey…Dent?”

“That’s your name, senator, you need something else,” you roll your eyes, aggravated. “You’re lucky I like you, you have until next session to find your nickname. I’m on vacation next week so you have time. Next task is to come up with a defining physical look. See you guys when I come back.”

**********************

They are already in the office when you arrive. They both get up to meet you and you gasp in awe, shocked with admiration: Harvey Dent is missing half a face and you stop in front of him, touching the scars as the Joker snarls, unhappy.

“Wow, Harvey, this is awesome! I love it! A+, definitely A+, no doubt about it! Wow,” you mutter again, mesmerized. “Did you do it yourself?”

“Hell, no, I wish I would have come up with the idea; it was done to me,” he admits because he can’t lie.

“I’m so proud of you, I absolutely love it,” you finally detach yourself from his face and go to The Joker, your eyes getting big when you finally notice the details in his change. “Oh, my God, this is…this is unbelievable!” you caress his soft, now very pale face, and he purrs, excited. “A+ also, incredible! Goes well with your tattoos and green hair, genius strike! It makes your blue eyes stand out.”

“Did you hear that Dent? I’m a genius,” J boasts towards his adversary who gives him a dirty look.

“Did you do it yourself?” you inquire, tracing his jaw line with your finger, smitten without realizing it.

“Nope, it was done to me also; Ace Chemicals, I was pushed in a vat against my will.”

“Awww,” you tilt your head, pouting. “But it all worked out, right? Both pass, amazing work!”

“I’m glad you like it, honey,” J snarls, pecking your wrist since your hand is still on his face.

“Stop flirting,” you admonish him, letting go and grabbing your papers, writing down comments on the amazing transformation they pulled off. “Harvey, did you find a nick name?” you lift your eyes for a second.

“Two Face,” he cracks his shoulders, proud of the finding.

“Sooo damn appropriate! Pass, senator!” you giggle, excited your two favorites are doing so great. “Next time I see you guys you gotta kidnap someone important for me.”

**********************

You enter the first sound proof room with The Joker and Dent.

“Ahhhh,” you squeal like a school girl when you see who Harvey got. “The newly promoted Commissar Gordon! Oh, Senator, you knew he’s my favorite?!”

“Of course, Miss Y/N, I wanted to pass this damn task,” he smiles, flipping his coin.

“Hello, Gordon,” you go in front of his chair where he is tight up with a gag in his mouth. “Oh, don’t worry, nobody’s going to hurt you under my watch. You’re my personal good guy favorite, so incorruptible. We need people like you to make it fun for us,” you kick his chair, amused and delighted in the same time. “I heard the wife is pregnant, what are you having, boy or girl?” He mumbles something, struggling to escape. “Stop it, Mr. G, we’ll let you go shortly. I’ll send flowers when the happy event occurs; I hope the boys won’t put any explosives in there,” you crinkle your nose, praying for the best for his sake.

You step up in the hallway to go to J’s room. “Oh, you so pass on this one, Harvey! God, I love Gordon,” you sigh, opening the door and find yourself in front of something strange.

“Who is this, J ??!!”

You point towards the dude strapped on the chair with the weird outfit on.

“This, my lovely…”

“Stop flirting,“ you interrupt and he rolls his eyes, continuing: “…is the new guy they are talking about all over the news, Gotham’s vigilante, The Batman.”

“Really?” you go and sit in Batsy’s lap, staring at his mask. “Oh, honey, please stop wearing spandex if you want us to take you seriously, OK?” you tilt your head, taking a deep breath. “I think you have potential, just find a new outfit, something…amazing. I would love to see you wearing something cool, it sure feels like you work out,” you squeeze his biceps, quite impressed. He mutters with his gag on and you kiss his cheek, getting up. “Don’t worry, we’ll let you go here shortly. Great job, J, also pass. Hey, no!” you slap the Joker’s hand when he tries to take off Batsy’s mask. “You know the rule, we don’t do that here. You can do it after you’re out there on your own and you catch him again, OK?”

“Ok, baby, “ he roars your way and you shake your head.

“Stop flirting I said, do you really want me to drop you?!”

“No, sir…ma’am, “ he chuckles, opening the door for you.

You walk in front of them towards your office again.

“Next week’s task is to find your own distinctive style you guys. Good luck!”

****************************  
“OK, Harvey, what are you going for?” you sniffle as you watch him getting up from his seat, wearing a very nice suit.

“I am going for the classic, elegant style,” he proudly states, turning around so you can observe better.

“Nice, senator, nice! We need someone with elegance and charm out there,” you agree, marking “pass” in his papers and he sits down, lifting his eyebrows towards his opponent, full of himself.

The Joker grinds his silver teeth, unimpressed.

“J, what are you going for?”

“Gangster style,” he widely smirks, getting up now and slowly turning around so you can notice everything.

“We didn’t have any good gangsters lately. Are you going to button your shirt?”

“Highly doubt it, people need to see my awesome physique, I don’t work out like crazy for nothing.”

“Hmmm, I like the gold chains, are they heavy?”

“Not too bad, wanna feel them for yourself ?” and without waiting for an answer he grabs you hand and places it on his chains, then slowly moves it down on his abs, giving you that devilish Casanova look you kind of like on him.

“E-hem,” you fakely cough, enjoying feeling his soft skin.“ Stop flirting!” and you take your hand away, not before you unconsciously trace his JOKER tattoo for a few more seconds.

“Yes, ma’am,” he winks, happy to see the disapproving glare Dent gives him.

“E-hem,” you cough again, taking notes. “For next time you have to blow up something important. Both pass, by the way.”

**************************

“Senator, what did you blow up?”

“Gotham’s police station!”

“Jesus, was Gordon inside?!” you jump from your desk, scared.

“No, no, of course not, I made sure he wasn’t.”

“Oh, thank God,” you exhale in relief. “I really like that dude, too bad he’s on the wrong side. Pass, senator,” you scribble on his chart.

“ J?”

“I blew up The Wayne Mansion.”

“Huh?! Why? How is that important?” you ask, debating if he should pass on this one or not.

“Bruce Wayne is a narcissistic, rich prick and for some reason he gets on my nerves. Wealthy bastards need to know we are after their fortune, Gotham doesn’t belong to them. No one is safe,” he concludes his presentation, surprised you didn’t get it.

“Well, that makes sense, I guess, “ you narrow your eyes, thinking. “Pass. Next week you have to show me some smooth moves on your seduction skills. You will sometimes need them to ensure your success.”

You can’t help but notice the smug look on both their faces.

***************************

“Harvey, you first.”

He gets up, comes over and kisses your hand, not breaking eye contact with you.

“Enchante, Miss Y/N,” and he kisses your hand again.

“Wow, Mister Dent, you are so charming and I am crazy about French! Pass!” you declare, not wanting to let go. “So smooth, just lovely, magnificent job!” you keep on praising him to The Joker’s dismay.

“J, what have you got?”

He mumbles something not very nice towards the senator, comes in front of you and starts purring.

“You want Daddy to give you something you’ll never forget?” he pulls down on your bottom lip with his thumb. “Daddy knows how to make you happy, you naughty girl,” he brings his face closer to yours and you gulp.

“Ummm, what e-exactly are you going for?” you stammer for a second, trying to control yourself. Jeez, he got intense.

“Seductive gangsta style, you like it ?” he bites his lips, staring at yours.

“Yes, pass!” you yank your head away and go sit at your desk, trying to gain composure before they both notice how flustered you are.

“Oh, goody,” he snickers, confident on his skills now. He stretches in front of Harvey on purpose. “I’m soooo good.”

Harvey gives him the finger and J groans towards him, annoyed.

“OK, gentlemen, next time I see you I will just have to sign your certificates and you will be ready to get out there and start mayhem.”

*****************************

You and The Joker got there first and now he’s holding you in his arms, his hands all over you..

“Last night was great, Princess, am I going to see you again tonight?”

“Maybe…” you giggle, kissing him.

“Daddy would love to…” 

You notice Harvey coming in and you take a step back, slapping J as hard as you can: “Stop flirting or I’ll drop you!”

“What the…?” he moves his jaw sideways, surprised.

“Serves you right!” Harvey starts laughing and The Joker realizes why you did it.

“Yeah, I’m a flirt, can’t help it,” he grunts, rubbing his cheek.

You try to make it short because you feel uncomfortable you almost got busted.

“Here are your signed certificates, congratulations to both, now go out there and make us proud!”

“Thank you, Miss Y/N, “ Dent comes and kisses you hand again, ready to turn Gotham upside down and then he exits your office, not before he “accidentally” bumps into The Joker:

“Excuse me, sir,” he huffs.

“You’re excused,” J mumbles, irritated.

“Here’s your certificate,” you hand it over to him to distract him from his murderous intent towards Harvey and he immediately looks excited.

“Listen, Doll, I need a Queen, it’s an emergency, I wanna start shit tonight. Can’t show my face out there alone with just my men. It would be inappropriate for The King Of Gotham and I don’t have time to search around. Are you interested?” he gropes you, yanking you in his arms again.

“What do you have to offer?” you whisper, getting lost in his blue eyes.

“What I offered last night,” he kisses you roughly , “and everything else you want, sky’s the limit.”

“Well, if it’s an emergency…” you pretend to debate, “ I guess I have to help.”


End file.
